armelle Melle M

 1

September 11th

No one is unaware of this date.

We all know where we were on that date.

Just like for you my memory did not fail me contrary to its habit.

That day, I was in the middle of a fitting at Kookaï.

For the year 2021, this same date would freeze in the same way.

My breakup was only the central point of the cataclysm that outlined the months to come.

In a relationship with Paul for 21 years.

Our first meeting took place at my place of work.

He entered the office I occupied with great confidence.

While introducing himself, I observed his assets including the blue of his captivating eyes, his size which gave him an undeniable presence. And it came to my mind this sentence "how am I going to please him?".

I was surprised by this question, I thought it made no sense, I never questioned myself to seduce men, I was just trying to take action.

This time it was different...

Today, I find myself alone at 54 without a companion, without friends, without children, it's total emptiness.

You will say to yourself that it is frankly pathetic.

How can we find ourselves in such a situation?

With all these social networks, the meetings made in college, high school, at the University and then at his place of work...

I was born in 1967, I often compare myself to the heroine of Jean Teulé in his novel Darling, inspired by real fact, she says she was born in "shit".

Certainly our violence is hardly comparable, but they are all just as devastating...

From my childhood... I have no memory until the age of 7, I had what is called traumatic amnesia.

I only have memories in my memory, before CP it's total nothingness, a real black hole.

My memories therefore start at the Sainte Thérèse Catholic school where I did all my schooling from CP to 3rd grade.

From first grade it was complicated, I'm dyslexic, at least it would seem...

To overcome my difficulties at school, my mother made me work on my spelling, from an early age.

For me, it was torture.

I felt that she took a "malignant" pleasure in persecuting me.

This resulted in a heavy atmosphere: I still see myself in this room dominated by darkness, the shutters more or less closed in broad daylight, sitting on the floor between our two beds, she at my side pretending to teach me, but for only motivation, to belittle me, to humiliate me... I had to understand how good for nothing, stupid, stupid I was in his eyes...

 2

From an early age, the game was a refuge that allowed me to forget everything.

The game contributes to our education, it reveals our qualities: the cheater, the jealous, the sore loser...

for that it is enough to observe a part.

If life was a game, wouldn't it be important to know the rules.

When a game of chess is played, both opponents know the rules, they set up their strategy and adapt it during the game to beat the opponent, to emerge victorious!

How can we emerge victorious, if life is a huge playground without knowing the rules?

How can we be a clever strategist in their absence? How can we be effective if they are many? However, we are playing with an opponent who is fully aware of it, he has a certain advantage to get us out of the game, to eliminate us.

Moreover, he is a wise strategist, he can detect our flaws, our weaknesses. This adversary knew how to introduce false truths into the game;

he made us willfully uneducated!

to turn us away from victory.

We are entirely at his mercy, without being able to establish an action plan to deal with him.

Me, I had always faced him, without even knowing it, I understood his existence, a short time ago.

It was my breakup that allowed this realization, it was brutal, destabilizing.

The deep analysis of my existence leads me to wonder about the relationship I had with my mother.

As you know, this one was toxic from childhood. As I grew up I thought she would get better.

But this break made me want to dig, I needed to understand my flaws.

On 9/4/2021 I called my childhood friend Nathalie, I knew she could enlighten me.

The question was simple "Have I been beaten small?" the answer was a simple "yes".

At this yes, I understood where my amnesia came from. Forgetting allowed me to move on, without rejecting my mother.

In the 1960s women like my mother were called single mothers.

My mother was alone with having to raise a child, it was the same for Nathalie's mother.

 3

Like Myriam who offered me the first babysitting, another friend offered me the same thing, I accepted and I met Olivia and Fred, Chloe's parents.

This meeting, brilliant, would make them great friends, I will spend most of my time with them.

They would experience my professional and family setbacks. But I would make sure to slip away when his great friend Sandrine was present, I did not want to deprive them of their privacy in any way.

I knew how important it was to preserve those rare moments.

Then appeared another young woman in my life.

Victoria lived in the same building as Olivia, with her children and her husband.

I will spend long moments in his company and I will become one of his best friends.

But under this perfect understanding, we had all three: either a secret... or an unmentionable character trait. It is by carrying out a retrospective of my existence that it will jump out at me.

Unlike Myriam and Françoise, my high school friends who hid nothing.

It's as if there were two seemingly similar paths whose starting point, babysitting led one to benevolence and the other to malevolence where lurked, lust, jealousy, lies. ..By missing the mark on my precious card, I had definitively taken, without knowing it, the path of deception, hypocrisy, lies... And all my encounters thereafter will demonstrate it.

It will start with the year of my repetition of 1st year of FAC.

Where I had to revise all summer with Ingrid, a complete stranger that I only met in practical work when we barely spoke to each other.

She approached me at the exit of a TP to propose me to revise with her. Accepted, will be the worst choice of my life!

Her mother often came to see us, Ingrid lived in a studio in the city center.

One day she passed but, with revelations to make to us.

She had been to see her clairvoyant, and she told me that her clairvoyant had seen that I would be very, very happy.

This announcement puzzled me, because life, until now, hadn't really given me any gifts, especially in love.

I knew I could please but I had a hard time letting go, there was a restraint in me that I couldn't explain, I had been told one day that I was inaccessible, that they didn't know how approach me.

A weekend, tired of this observation, depressed and remembering the revelation of the seer;

I locked myself in my room, lay down on the bed, and I repeated a whole afternoon the same sentence "We must kill misfortune" I repeated this sentence constantly, I was in a daze, I live, indeed, a married couple was jumping over a long log of wood held at each end by two people.

Very quickly I realized that the red line, yellow, whatever, had been exceeded, I forced to regain control, taking a shower.

But when I saw on the bathroom wall a drawing of a baby's head turn into a young girl and her left eye pierced there I got scared!

and terror seized me!

I had really crossed the red line...

I prayed and only the our father came back to me, I slept with my mother several nights to find my serenity... so much the anguish had taken place.

But that fear would resurface a few weeks later.

I was at a friend's house one weekend and was startled, as I was about to fall asleep, by a fire-like energy coming out of my mouth.

I was frightened by what I had just experienced, was I asleep or not?

This secret was concealed for a long time.

When the Jehovah's Witnesses rang Olivia's doorbell one evening, I knew right away that they were there for me.

We were going to study the bible all together for more than a year. I asked all the questions that crossed my mind, because since this experience, I had visions! and when I learned from the Bible that one should not practice divination, I wished to see them disappear.

For the first time I was told how to pray.

I learned that, the request, the prayer had to go through Jesus Christ and then it was given to God.

So, I made my request and I ended my prayer thus "it is by your son Jesus Christ Jehovah that I address my prayer to you amen".

 4

I never had a vision again. I knew from this Bible study that God's name was Jehovah.

It had simply been erased by superstition, because people were too afraid to use it without foundation.

I understood why the name of God "Jehovah" had been, in recent Bibles, very often replaced by the Eternal...

I listened with interest, because while leafing through the bible I read a verse saying "fire comes out of the mouth of the one who changes his destiny" I fell destitute while reading this passage and I understood that the bible was indeed a book Truth be told, I had experienced what was said in that verse that weekend. From now on, I had to live with this secret.

But, I understood, above all, that in the future there would be serious consequences in my life...

As time progressed, this mother daughter relationship improved, she was aware that after a certain age, she could no longer insult me, spit on me, hit me. I was now armed enough to be able to answer her.

Nathalie in the past witnessed one of her many spittings.

That day, I had stood up to her, during arguments, she spat on me.

We were only eight years old, this scene marked her.

For me this one had fallen into oblivion unlike the one when I was twenty-five for the same reasons. She couldn't contain herself that day, it was a first for me. But Nathalie reminded me that it was nothing.

One day, she told me that I would become a cleaning lady!

While, I told him of the wish to enroll in 1st grade to continue my studies.

Or, she announced to me on my way back from my vocational school that I was going to meet a young man from a large family, I remember asking her: 'large family or family maid'.

She hadn't answered me, and I was less even, moved on.

Or, told me a winning ticket that turned into a losing ticket, a bit of a weird story, I just had to remember that we had lost a good amount of money...

She was an authoritarian, severe woman... at the age of 19, I now had to attend mass at 6 p.m. every Saturday, but I joined my friends Myriam and Françoise and other friends... Our meeting place Was "the Judah" a bar, funny coincidence!

Admittedly, we sometimes went to mass, but only for Palm Sunday.

But his authority was felt from an early age, even in the choice of my birthday gifts, I could only be offered books.

She stocked up, my mine was decomposing while unpacking my gifts. I experienced no surprises. She rejoiced, no doubt, in this mine and its supply of torture.

As a child, I had no information about my father.

My mother didn't talk about herself, I just had to build myself like this...

If the first emotions of birthdays were not terrible, it was the opposite in love.

I knew the ones of the boys you get stuck on, then came the one of the boy who leaves you a note on the windshield of your car.

Because years ago, he got you out of a bad situation, when your car broke down, and you were unable to pick up the child in your care from the crèche.

The solution was then to ring your girlfriend living in the same residence to ask for help.

And when you ring you find yourself face to face with her boyfriend who three or four years later will send you a nice card.

Which of course helped me out.

I had no idea how valuable this card was going to be...

It was through my mother who learned of this card. She used to discreetly observe her neighborhood behind her half-open shutters.

When she found out it was a proposed date, she flew into a rage screaming at me, my brain went into little girl mode and did what it had always forgotten.

This card was stored with the bad abuse, spitting... My memory had been my decision-making.

I was 21.

I resumed the course of my FAC life, babysitting, girlfriends, outings...

But over the years my girlfriends took off, work, marriage, baby...

Me, I swam against the current, I did odd jobs...while they sailed from region to region.

The friendly core was cracking.

 5

Indeed, I met Paul a few years later. The years with Paul were both beautiful and dark, he had to continually seduce to reassure himself.

Infidelity and lying were his modus operandi.

His main asset was, that he gave the impression that nothing could happen to you, he took things in hand, he took care of everything, you were like a princess if you accepted his infidelities and his lies; it was for him only white lies to embellish the life.

I wondered where this expression came from, so incompatible with the laws of God, yet another of our adversary's false truths in order to distort the game of life.

My break with Paul will allow me to put a face to this adversary.

Since the dissection of my life always led me to the same person...

The guilt invaded me, it became uncontrollable I wanted to redeem myself with God. This secret was taking more and more space in my mind and one more infidelity, unmanageable, was going to finish me. The disorientation (due to my dyslexia) was there, my imagination had taken control.

The city became my playground at random streets. I stayed outside for hours screaming my name of Jehovah I played with myself whether or not to scream his name in front of passersby.

I was in another world, the station was also my playground.

I lay down in the hall and I tried to fly away like an angel.

I ended up going home, my mother was waiting for me with a bowl of soup.

And the next day I left to perform the same ritual. The voices began to invade me and I heard, among other things, that my mother wanted to assassinate me, I could no longer go home yet I had to, once I got home I saw very quickly that it was was nothing of course. Again and again always outside, until the day I was taken away by the cops and then hospitalized in HP for 1 month. My disorientation had crushed me now I was on medication to make those incessant voices go away.

The doctors did not make a diagnosis. But, I needed rest because I had injured my left heel during these stagings.

Obviously, after my convalescence a job was needed, to regain stability, but I no longer wanted to work as a carer, this job no longer suited me. Paul encouraged me, I appealed to all my relations by sending them a CV in the hope of hitting the mark.

Very quickly this was the case, a position became available in the company of Victoria's new companion, a fixed-term contract which would turn into a full-time permanent contract a few years later.

Enthusiasm for full-time gave way to disenchantment due to overwork: This position required two people. And in 2018 a new crisis pointed the tip of its nose.

At that time, I was living with my mother because my apartment had been taken over by my landlord.

My mother, living in a building on the fifth floor, was increasingly experiencing the hardship of all these floors. With Paul I had managed to convince her to move in with me since throughout these years we had ended up having a good relationship, my part-time at the time did not allow me to take an apartment alone.

What a mistake... !

My memory had failed me...So I spent all my weekends at Paul's and during the week I lived with my mother.

The apartment was spacious and well located, not far from the city center, life was seemingly peaceful...

Yet in 2018 a scenario almost similar to the first will lead me to HP, after a suicide attempt, the driver who should have hit me, will have me taken care of by the nearest hospital. I had imagined that the inhabitants of the town where I was staying were angry with me and I was trying to escape them. I slept outside out of sight and I wandered streets, avenues, boulevards... with a specific purpose, with these voices that delivered messages of guilt telling me, among other things, that I was responsible of a large number of deaths, by my mere presence here. They were trying to push me to suicide.

Everything again was incoherent.

The repatriation in HP to my city brought great relief to my loved ones.

This time the doctors declared me affective schizophrenic, a more vigorous treatment was inevitable.

 6

I made this diagnosis to Nathalie's mother, she could not believe it, putting myself in doubt, I decided to pray and asked God if I was really schizophrenic.

Back from the hospital, during my convalescence I cleaned my house, it kept me busy every day while waiting to resume my job.

At work I thought only of this tragedy, even if I gradually recovered all my lucidity. A new colleague had just arrived and we were all very busy.

But things were going to get complicated from January 2019 first an inscription appeared above the door my neighbor like an equation. Then it was the wall of our living room that began to shake, the fireplace that we had installed on the wall was making a deafening din, I imagined that the neighbors' children were playing ball.

Any time my mother insisted on these phenomena, I understood her annoyance.

At work too we were going to be surprised, while we were looking for a document, my buddy (he had agreed that there would now be two people on my post), my new colleague, and myself were surprised to learn that the entity of our site was the 3 6, only my buddy found it hilarious.

So we were at the site of the 1st Rebel Angel that had been cast down to earth. And who since ruled the world.

It made my blood run cold, as my voices had been taking over since my last disorientation. However, I showed no emotion.

One morning a voice told me that my mother did not want me to come into the world.

I was amazed, stunned, I knew she was stern, authoritarian, a little perverse, but from there not wanting me!

Above all, I understood that it was time to observe him and I made the decision to reduce my treatment for even more lucidity. Why did she insist on our living room wall, which kept shaking. Did she want to scare me? My hunch was right, because the day I took her Kennedy magazine, which she had had for ages (it dated back to the 60s) and burned it in the kitchen sink, the wall made a deafening noise, noise which was amplified by the steel chimney. We argued and in her anger she told me about the discussion I had had a few days before with my buddy verbatim. Then she proceeded to imitate Paul in my convertible car "and your Paul in your convertible car, with his black glasses always saying honey, honey". How could she know it was convertible and know its color, since she had never seen it.

To me, the connection between that wall and her was obvious now. She practiced divination. But what else was she hiding?

The inspection of this apartment was in order. While searching, I found lots of things, gifts that she used to reach me, which I quickly threw away (logically I should have burned them), so that they did not fall into the hands of people innocent. She had always been doing these things, she had even attacked my learning, There were too many inconsistencies in my school notebooks and report cards, not to mention her revelations, where these sentences, in my opinion banal, "you will end up a woman cleaning" My last job was carer, I now saw the accumulation of bad spells.

In June 2019 I revealed my secret to my girlfriends and Paul.

In January 2020 a new inscription had appeared on top of the 2019 one and I heard that it was the clue to the wisdom theorem.

In March 2020 I fell out with my partner.

The war began as soon as the confinement returned, we were going to determine our camps by our hobbies:

For me it would be in reading "The formula of God" and for him, participation in various manifestations, in particular that of the supernatural. Everything opposed us.

Without knowing it he had the same objective, that my mother eliminate me in the same way, with different office objects, telephone charger cable, computer, scissors, animation on laptop of woman being devoured by a shark... well evocative, only a trained eye could understand.

He could do stuff like that in front of everyone without worry. Who would think that an attempted murder could be set up in his workplace. Nobody ! I am harassed every day by this individual who wants me dead.

7

She was the one who pushed me down this malevolent path, which she took pains to create.

From the big one, she rejected me and wanted me dead, she didn't want a child of the man who had left her for another.

It's true that she always lacked empathy, it's probably due to her head trauma caused by a baby fall, I want to believe it. But above all, it is dangerous.

She seeks to assassinate me through spiritualism, I found behind the concealed kitchen radiator a box of matches and some cardboard.

They want to see me die in a fire accidentally caused, hence the radiator, or the telephone charger cable... But the one who is also behind this attempt at assassination is this adversary opposing our creator. Because if my mother was able to divert me from my destiny it is thanks to this opponent.

The truth is that very few people question the purpose of God's name Jehovah because we come up against him, the 1st rebel angel who does everything to lead human beings astray from their creator. Its only goal is to decimate as many as possible, the objective is very easy since men are imperfect and they ignore, for the most part, the rules (the commandments, the laws... of god) . Moreover they are imbued with lies, adultery, drunkenness, drugs, pride, vanity, greed, murder, theft, covetousness, jealousy, spiritualism, clairvoyance, bad luck , witchcraft, astrology, cartomancy, numerology...His playground is our world he wanted, as we know it, where there are only false truths. To emerge victorious would it not be important to detect them. The Bible is a great medium.

This is the path my mother led me through spiritualism. This one led me to O= covetousness and lying, infidelity I encountered V= lying and Jealousy, infidelity, P= lying and infidelity, P= drunkenness, lying, J= greed, R= drunkenness, M= Pride, V = infidelity, R = Clairvoyance, I = Clairvoyance, S = Prostitution, F= drugs, C= drugs, infidelity, P= drugs, S= drugs, P= drunkenness, B= drugs, M= drugs, A= jealousy, C = infidelity, drug M= drug, C= drug, infidelity, P= drug, S= drug, M= drug, L= drug, drunkenness, N=pride, E= clairvoyance, B= attempted murder.

My own bewilderment enabled me to unmask it. I still live with her, but a definitive distance is necessary. The Bible requires us to distance ourselves from people practicing these things.